The Call from Chichi

Chichi had told my daughter Axxxla to call me, at around 8 PM yesterday, Monday December 19, 2011, while my daughter who is 10 years old was telling me that my eldest son was misbehaving badly. In the background I heard Chichi who is the mother shouting that she wanted the 12 year old boy, her son to to leave the house "I want you to leave my house", "leave my house" she was shouting in the background. Then I spoke to the boy, Exxoluwa, who also told me it was best for him to leave. I suggested to him to get his sleeping bag and sleep in the office. I also told him to turn off the phone and place it at the counter top in the living area. Part of the problem was that he was spending too much time on his iPhone and that he was also beating up his brother and his sister.

On Tuesday, right after the divorce was over, I went to 3x2 Lakefield Drive, Murphy, TX to get all three of the children and brought them to my apartment so I can watch how they interact with each other --- I did not see too much problem between the two boys except that they play rough.

I spent some time talking to my eldest son about the complaints that everyone had against him, in particular, his mother. I then asked him to read Exodus 20:12, This passage talked about honoring your father and your mother so that your days on earth will be blessed.

At around 8.00 PM, the same day, I returned them to their home.

My divorce is final --- A final divorce document is accepted by the Judge

On Tuesday December 20, 2011, my divorce from one Ms. Chichi Obika-Glover becomes final. Final divorce agreement is accepted by the Judge and the divorce is now the order of the court. At some point in the future I will seek annulment. I feel free, very free. I will guide my new life slowly and deliberately. I pray that God will guide every step that I shall make.

The Rose, the Iroko has passed

My mother, a woman as delicate as the rose and as strong as the iroko tree passed away at exactly 3:00 AM Nigeria time on Thursday 11/03/2011 --- this is 9:00 PM CST, 11/02/2011 in the USA. I pray that God, the Merciful will grant her eternal resting place.

Below is my tribute to her:

A woman of peaceful resilience, who never once wore her pains on her face. She had unshakable sense of self worth, yes she knew who she was, she was a "Sosina", and she was Mrs. E.A Olusanya. She had a capacity for politeness that is not very common. A pillar of our family, delicate on the exterior, but very strong on the inside, a true "mama" Nurse to those high school children whose lives she touched. Before she was "mama" Nurse she was "Iye"/"Iya"/"Mama" 'Lolu. As a mother she gave no room for decadent indulgence, she disciplined in a manner that would cause the day of your wrong doing to be etched well into your memory. She gave all of herself to her husband. She was indeed a woman who knew what family is all about. She was above all my mother.

Letters from my lover

Bonjour...‏

From:	xxxxxxxx
Sent:	Sun 8/15/10 5:49 AM
To:	michaelf01@myemail.com

Hello Michael,

Hope you are having a great weekend.

For whatever reasons certains things I just can't say on the phone; I would say it better face to face or the next best way is writing them to you. I just want you to know that I miss you holding me in your arms; from all the things I could miss; I have been feeling super lonely and I am working hard to mask all this emptiness.

I just do not understand how and why I should live alone while I could be in your loving company at the end of the day. Then I start thinking about the children, mine mostly cause they have to go where I go. Then yours and I wonder how painful they will feel about their father being with another woman and other children. Then you are still married, but the most painful part is that although you have removed yourself from your family for so many years, you will not dare taking me to Church because our relation is not right for you in front of God. I wish you had given me a bogus excuse, but I appreciate your honesty. But then, why did you let me get so wrapped up over you? If you cannot make things right; if you see us as unclean in front of God; why did you allow us to be so much involved with each other?

I am a mess not because you are still married but because I found in you all the love and attention I have been missing. There is a certain way of treating someone you have affection for, there is a certain way to make love to someone you care for, and please note I said to ''make love'' and not to ''F...k'' cause people that care and respect each other make love. The only reason I did my best to put some brakes on is because you treated me like only my husband did and please no offense here. No one, none, has treated me like that, no one but him knew that I am ''hot'' at bed time and in the early hours of the morning, no one else knew how I like to be intimate, all this energy, little rough here and there; it was ours, behind closed doors. I DID NOT expect my body to react to you the way it did. I did not expect me to calm down and give you space despite the fact that I was hot and wet most of the times.

I was trying to tell you on the phone, dont mix the two feeling: lust and love. Yes the animal in me wants to be unleashed; However, because there is a sense of establishing mutual respect while getting to know each other I became more fond of you, hence more aroused every time you did these little things that showed how good of a gentleman you are, making the sex thing kinda the one thing that only me can give you to reward your good behavior. That is why I said, you can F... me, if you want, cause in my book sex is a privileged act between two people that love and respect each other. It is not a tool to punish but it draws you closer to the point that you just know when to and not to, beside there are lots of other things you can do as a couple to build an intimate relation and appreciate each other. Based on this, I did not appreciate you telling me that I need them young dude to burn off my energy. FYI so far, no one has taken the time to connect with me like you did. Spending time with you made me realize just that! I realized that I enjoyed being with one partner that loved me, appreciated me, and that had let me be me as much as I had let him be himself. 

Why am I saying all this? Because your life is yours, live it the way you want, however, you are affecting other people that also want a quality of life, some dignity and some respect. I apologize for calling you a jerk and for making you wanna pull your real gun on me and for making you yell at me to get out and leave you alone. I am sorry cause it was that night that your brother heard us yelling at each other and he just had to get out and get some air. He actually made me listen to the message you left on his phone about you being locked out. I am really sorry that I caused so much emotional disturbance. I know that I am just a ''young lady'' and that I do not know the ''real you'' whatever that means.

All I had asked for was a chance for some closure with you. Now I know what is and what will never be. I am hurt, disturbed, and in pain because it had to be through you that I had to finally find what it was that I was missing, why it never clicked with these other guys, and what it was that I have been looking for in a man. They say when you find it you will know. Now, I found it ... I know... but, we cant even be in Church together, I cannot live in sin either... we cant even be in the same town, I gave up so much to make the trip to Indiana just to find out difficult truth; I was still willing to compremise on some issues, but honestly what is the point if the other party is blinded by the way their own life must be? Where do I fit? How do I even begin to snap out of this one?

Well, that is what's on my mind ... ''Lord, please...''

• Good morning‏

7/21/10

Bonjour,

To michaelf01@

Bonjour,

Hope you had a good night sleep. I am up in the middle of the night cause I did sleep right away last night.

Regarding your homework for me, the equally satisfying actions as an equivalent to things you do not do : my best answer is that if you enjoy something isn't it natural that you will want your partner to experiment it with you? In other words, as far as foreplay is concerned, I lay myself down at your mercy and give you my ok for you to do unto me whatever you would enjoy be done unto yourself.

As far as your shortcomings are concerned, I can only come up with one: you do not foreplay. Yes you touch and caress, but you always stop in the middle of a good thing. There is touching and caressing as part of bonding/cuddling, which you are great at; but it is the touch me here, whisper that, breathe down my neck, and kiss me there as part of building up that sexual tension that you need to focus on and not jump steps into intercourse at the first sign of arousal.

Me, I love to play and I enjoy being played with... look and touch my body from head to toe, front and back, in and out, just explore and build up that tension, even when inside of me, look at me, look into my eyes, touch my face, kiss my face (doesnt have to be tongue kissing), my breast, my legs, go vampire style on my neck...we get to know each other and feed on each others response...synchronize...that is what I mean by foreplay and that is what I like better than sex itself. Sex is the cherry on top.

You do a lot of the things above already but you kind of tease me here and there, maybe that is your style, still my ''cherry on top'' was like no other leaving me drooling for more dessert.

Hope you got your answer.

Have a great day,

Au revoir.

• Bonjour‏

7/19/10

To michaelf01@

Hi Michael,

Sorry I was kind of rough with you on the phone and lately we are just playing phone tag.

I needed to cool off a little before calling you again. I feel like I have been away from you for  months. Not sure how to say this any other way, but I am missing you deeply, on top of it, I feel sexually deprived and fustrated. I spend most of my time re-living my vacation wishing I could have done this and that ... and just blow your mind off all together (yep, I didnt blow your mind off yet, in fact I had to restrain, refrein, break, stop, exercise some control...whatever). 

I have been puzzled about the affect you have on me and my conclusion is that when it comes to intimacy, you handle me with so much care and tenderness like a ''gentleman'' treats his lady.

That is what I have been missing the most. Too bad you come with a set of rules that I was not made aware of and yes I will keep saying it until I find a better way to deal with it other than me bitching about it!-pardon my French- Cause like even now, I close my eyes and picture me and you ...hmm hmm sweet, then oh wait, stop brain...stop... Michael doesnt do that, ok what about this hmm hmm good but, nope he doesnt do that either...any ways, I just miss you a lot.

Take care.

• Je penses à toi...‏

7/04/10

To michaelf01@

Trés Cher,

Je penses à toi et tu me manques beaucoup...meaning My Dear, I am thinking about you and I do miss you a lot.

For sure one of these days we will talk about the last couple weeks. I am not trying to forget about you, but at the same time, I don't know how to deal with what I am feeling.

If you want to pray for me, pray that I get a great job. I got lots of pending jobs due to low patient census or remodeling projects slowed down by the economy, either ways, great jobs are on hold somewhere. I need the Lord to have mercy on me and my kids, we have been through too much to be hitting rock bottom at this stage, pray that the Lord makes a way, to lead me toward a great company, stable work; DO NOT waste time praying for a boyfriend for me. I need a partner in life, not just a `` boyfriend``! In addition, pray that I remain cool, calm, collected, tender, gentle, all these attributes that I have lost along the way because I felt weak and embarrassed displaying them. 

Finally, thank you for letting me be myself. You have no idea how much peace got restored in me; it was not just the intimate moments but to be held with so much tenderness and to be included in your routine... I knew I will have a hard time getting back, I just didnt imagine it to be so hard. I remember singing Back to life, back to reality. Some how God was preparing me to face the reality on my side. Getting back to plans that did not go as scheduled while I was gone, not cool at all! Well, I have faith that this too shall pass!

Take care.

Bye.

Running a way from a secret lover???

Running a way from a secret lover. I have not quite understood what make some people go crazy over me. I have had couple of instances where I missed out on some broads. I will admit those few misses makes you real, it makes you feel human. I will say that I am not a man who chases after women. But when opportunity presents itself and the lady passes my check list --- I move with the speed of a jaguar.

Now back to my secret lover, she lives in California, and I lived at the time of our intimacy in Fort Wayne, IN. For me, it makes me feel safe to have her far away. I knew I could not just bump into her. I made sure "that" for getting together for moments of pleasurable embrace; it will not be accidental, and when we did meet it was planned and it gave way to truly unending stream of raw pleasure.

Being with her had some values --- it made me see what it would be like to be with another woman and it helped me to re-assure my self in the power of sexual intimacy to heal all known ailments, howbeit psychological ailments. I shied away from kissing her, more so because that was something you did with the wifey and not with a woman who for all practical purposes gave herself to me.

One thing that I felt was how soft her lips were when they pressed against mine in moment of close embrace, I felt her heart beating fast, almost like it was crying for me to take her, right there and then --- I pulled my self back a little in an effort to re assert that I am in control of my world. ..tbc.

I missed not having a Church to go to on Wednesdays --- Just like last week, I could not find the Church I was looking for. In moments like I now find myself it pays to stay closer to God. One wrong step can make things worse for. Yes, I am lonely for the embrace of a beautiful woman, in fact I am long due for a tender loving moment with a decent lady. I am a very picky person, so I have spent more time eliminating the options that present themselves to me than settling or accepting any of them. Maybe next week Wednesday will offer me more success at finding a mid week Church. Yes --- I have a Church that I attend on Sundays.

The date was 8/3/2011 --- it was yesterday and it was a Saturday. I had stopped by at 3XX Lakefield Drive, Murphy, Texas. I had bought this house about eleven years earlier. It was brand new and custom built by one of the better builders in the Texas. But now I had been ordered to vacate my own house for the woman who in fact has filed for a divorce against me. Like I said, it was no wahala like they say back in Nigeria. While I concede that in a divorce situation, the law is grossly stacked against the male species, particularly the black male, I had not one problem with letting the wife take over the house, I reckoned, my children will live there too. This was enough consolation for me.

The visit to the house yesterday was to accomplish two things:

1. To see my children for maybe thirty minutes before I head towards Houston for my High School re-union which was holding on that day.
2. To drop a check for $1500 which were made out in two checks 

• a Citibank Check for $500 
• a Chase Check for $1000, the two Checks make for the court ordered child support payment imposed upon me in court arrangement for three children pending the final decree in December. 

Paying $1500 in child support is no big deal to me, even though this amount is my entire first net paycheck of my first payment of the month. The second payment in the month is used to pay for my other bills, my rent and my car payment and other utility bills. The child support is a huge sacrifice for me, I just pray that my children know that their father put their well being first ahead of his own comfort.

As to the planned trip to Houston, it did not happen, I decided against it, I was not able to truly justify driving 4 hours to and 4 hours back from Houston just for a re-union party, I guess there was no one there I badly needed to re-connect with, perhaps next year I will be at the re-union, God knows where the next one will be at.

The more I think about our pending divorce --- the more I think what a fresh breeze it will be for me. This woman is a very horrible human being, lacking in decorum and common human decency. Yes, the divorce will be expensive for me, but it is indeed a better route. I have never known anyone whose life is replete with falsehood, it is more like she lacks the capacity to tell the common truth. She has these need to embed everything.

Divorce

I should have started this Blog twelve years ago and capture my everyday experience as a married person.

• What is marriage anyways?
• Will it be different if I did not marry and just get ladies to have my children?
• Is the Christian faith too restrictive to the extent it hinders the human desire to be truly free?
• Is marriage worth dealing with annoying in-laws?

By now you can see that I have more questions than I have answers. Life is multi dimension, but we human beings are only aware of the of the five senses. There are more senses than Touch, Feel, Sight, Taste and Smell. The problem is we human have not developed the receptors for them, our stage in human evolution is embroiled in the physical, lacking in all manners, the spirit side of "the" human being. This now takes me to my next set of questions.

• Why do people who once said they were in love and got married fell out of that love?
• Is love really what it is hyped up to be? or is it just another mumbo jumbo?
• Is love temporal and not for ever?

I will share a email that I wrote to my soon to be ex-wife on this blog. --- I will substitute her real name for Xxxxx.

Hello Xxxxx --- I had thought that I could trust us to manage this transition period that we are faced with in a very cooperating and civil manner, to my disappointment, based on my last phone conversation with you on Friday July 22 around 9:30 AM. It seems to me that certain people are giving you wrong guidance which have little bearing with what can be considered reasonable constraints under the law. Yes, it is true that unscrupulous people and decadent rich people have used the courts to pervert justice; by and large the courts always look at documented evidence to make fair judgments. With this said, I believe in the judicial system to be fair.

I will like to remind you that what we have set up by the court (through your attorney) is a temporary arrangement. It will become final when the divorce decree has been rendered. I want to advice you that you should not allow your primitive whims for boastful disposition to overshadow that which is logical and acceptable by law.

Bear in mind that you are the one who filed for divorce. I have on my own, and rightfully so, decided not to contest it. I welcome it whole heartedly contrary to the impression and lies that you may be circulating amongst your family and your friends. This is how much I have accepted it --- you will NOT see any member of my family calling you to ask you to change your mind --- I have decided, it is not their business and I have not told them except for Bose and my father. If I told them I am confident they will use their own initiatives to try and persuade you not to go through with it.

When I came to the house on Thursday and spoke to your sister, which is a huge mistake on my part. I am surprised that she was acting as if she is the ultimate decider --- the only time she raised her voice was to say and I quote “this marriage is over”, she said it loud enough, I am certain the children heard her --- that is really unbecoming of a good human person to say, let alone a good family member. All through this process, I have worked very hard to insulate the children from the fallouts of the marriage break down. The comment that she made was not in her place to make, she spoke out of place and out of turn. That comment is absolute; it is only God who can bring the marriage to an end. I personally have not prayed for the marriage to be restored, I know some other people have, without me asking them to, because it will be hypocritical on my part to pray for such thing when I myself want out of the marriage --- now you see the foolishness in the comment that your sister made. If I truly did not want you to go, I will go on my knees with fasting and God will cause you to change your mind, the point is, I see no point in praying that you should not have your wish.

 Worst still your sister claimed I apologized to her. Really??? Only in her imagination, I have never apologized to her --- the closest thing I said to her was that everyone should let by gone be by gone. If she takes that to be an apology, then she is not as smart as I thought she is, she is simply full of herself.

It is not a secret that your sister is evil and wicked --- you, yourself told me that the last time she visited back in early 2005, she did buy McDonald sandwich to which she gave only to her son, Brian, while her sister’s children were there to watch her wickedness at play. You see facts are very stubborn, they are hard to erase. If I have the choice, I will like for her to not be anywhere near my children. She is a pollutant, she is toxic and she can kill with her manipulative ways.

As I was talking to her last Thursday, I see a picture of someone who is not happy, despite that she is trying to hide it, I could deduce that she is not even well liked among her peers and the people she works with and yet she has the audacity to suggest to me to go for counseling. Who made her my adviser??? Definitely, not I. She is nothing but an irritant ant. While I was in Nigeria, I had the pleasure of speaking with your other sister, Nkoli, her position is very clear and unambiguous, and it is the same position held by the two people who I told the situation to amongst the members of my family.

Now let me get back to the real reason for this email and leave the little irritant alone to her wickedness.

·         I will like you to leave the contents of the office “as is” until the divorce is final when I will arrange immediately to come and move everything else that is left in the house. I hope I don’t have to make you through the court to refrain, yes I mean refrain from entering or using that office until after the divorce hearing is over when truly the house by legal rights becomes yours. You have not previously had or maintained any history of using this office in the past, and this is eleven years of history. This should not be too difficult for you to comply with.

The letter of the document which you filed actually stated that neither of us can take stuffs out nor sell stuffs during this temporary arrangement, even though it granted you the use of the furniture exclusively. If you are not clear on this, I will suggest that you ask your attorney; after all you are paying her to rightfully guide you through this process she has initiated on your behalf.

I will like for Eni to help me move all my shoes still left in the closet in the master bedroom into the office and arrange them against the wall in an orderly manner, I will call him and communicate this to him.

Moving forward, I will send by certified mail the house keys that I have in my procession to your attorney to help hand over to you. I have no desire, like you wrongly asserted to do one leg in, one leg out with you. I have not such interest towards you.

Many thanks,